Growth forecast

My fellow Siena citizen Giannelli's cartoon on today's Corriere della Sera kicks ass!



The writing on top means "growth forecast" - obviously a word game comparing Mr. Berlusconi's recent statements on Italy's economy and his fixation on hair transplants.

Unfortunately, the man also looks hopelessly poised to lose the next elections, so he sees an image of Mr. Prodi (whose hair is still all in place) when looking at the mirror.

Simply ingenious.

Olympic Cola

It's good that I'm so busy with work and my PhD thesis these days. This way, I have an excuse to isolate myself from what happens in our country, and newsclips such as this seamlessly flow.

Now you must have clicked that link, but just in case you haven't I'll report the highlights.

Municipalities in Rome protest at sponsor of Olympic flame.

I'll explain this to you: Coke is sponsoring the winter Olympic torch's northbound journey through Italy, and inept, corrupt, incompetent and populist Roman administrators have decided to exit the anonimity that their mediocrity has pushed them into and taken an easy target: Coca Cola.

Rome’s eleventh municipal authority [...] claims that the Olympic sponsor is breaching workers’ rights in Colombia, and will not allow the flame to pass through its territory

Ah, that's the trick. They have the poor Colombians work long hours corking bottles, so their name should not be seen in Rome. Just release those poor workers and send them back to the heavens of coke (the powdery one) fields! they'll love it there!

The deputy mayor, Maria Pia Garavaglia, was quick to say that “municipality chairs can wage all the political battles they want to, but they cannot impose them on citizens, who risk losing out”.

Long live people like you Maria Pia! I'm only afraid that you'll lose elections because you make way too much sense. To the administrators who had this brilliant idea: whether the torch goes by Rome or not is none of your fucking business - go back stamping the useless forms you make us fill every day!


“I attended a meeting in Bari with three hundred local administrators, mayors and councillors”, said the chair of the eleventh Roman municipality, Communist Refoundation member Massimiliano Smeriglio, “and our protest was unanimously approved.

There we go! what is the name of the party that this connection element between mankind and apes belongs to?

Communist refoundation!

Now of course communists are very well known for their widespread respect of human rights, therefore this chap has all rights to complain about Coke saving money on Colombian workers' canteen food. But this is not all...

There is, for example, a motion before the regional council, which will be voted in a few days. It calls for a committee of inquiry to find out whether what Colombian trade unionists say is true, in other words whether Coca-Cola is breaching human rights.

Now Lazio, the region where Rome is built, is densely populated with thieves, prostitutes, drug traffickers, burglars, windscreen washers, people smugglers, car burners, members of parliament and other assorted criminals. Why the hell are these people worrying about some guys in Colombia that have found a proper job that takes them away from the misery and poverty that they have on the street?

I have a proposal: let's send this piece of a Communist genius to Colombia to investigate what is really happen, and then arrange some kidnapping so that he never comes back again. Actually I think I'm being too optimistic here: the kidnappers would pay us to take such scum back.

Italian design at work

The brightest of you must have noticed that I'm not always too kind with my country, and that I don't hesitate to give my people the sort of bashing they all too often seem to call for.

But I'm ready to recognize we're world class at so many things. And I wouldn't have come back to Italy if I didn't love this country.

There's one thing we're really, really good at: making cars. Forget about the shopping-trolley performance of Ferrari in Formula 1 this year: if you say sports car you say Italy. Maserati, Alfa Romeo, Lancia, Lamborghini and, yes, even FIAT with its excellent new punto are companies we're proud of. But the most extreme, absurd and unreachable of all cars that we make, and the most awe-inspiring in its sheer beauty, is the one and only Lamborghini. Take care at the new Gallardo Spyder and you'll see what I mean.

And the web site doesn't even come close to describing what such a car actually looks like. Lambos rock so massively that even the police have bought one! (I shot the picture in Fiumicino airport some time last year.)

Well done, Lambo. And keep up the good work - we're proud of you.

Who gives a fuck?

This November 1st public holiday (All Saints, if you don't happen to live in a catholic country) keeps on amazing me. If you have good weather, you can have the privilege of witnessing the whole country going somewhere at the same time, and coming back at the same time. Then, surprise surprise, there is traffic! how amazing! today the queue on the way to Rome was around thirty-five kilometres!

But this wasn't what I was going to talk about. Given that the whole country is away, supply of proper news is a bit on the short side. The obvious consequence is abundance of what I call the "who gives a fuck" sort of newsbit. Here's a few examples for your joy and delight.

Here's a good starter: the EU tries to reassure us about chicken flu, and what do they say? you can eat raw eggs! Thanks very much, I was already contemplating suicide for not being able to do so. What a relief!

Then the meal goes on: Italian men produce their first kids later than men from all other nationalities. Revelation! I believe it must have taken hordes of scientists and statisticians to discover that people have kids late in a country where it is perfectly normal to witness youngsters inhabiting their parents' place at the age of 35? or do we expect women to come and have sex in front of their in-laws?

But the meat is still to come. We're even trying to save extinct languages!!! When someone explains me why we're trying to save Bushman or Pygmy and at the same time we constantly flush Italian down the toilet? whenever I hear a subjunctive tense used correctly I'm tempted to expose a flag from the balcony and we're trying to save the dialects of the Amazon? do something useful in your life, for fuck's sake!

And could a dinner be complete without a sugary dessert from nothing less than our beloved Pope Benedict XVI? Prepare your taste buds: we must preserve Italy's holiness!!! Can I ask you something, his highness? in the name of fuck, what holiness do you mean? that of the homicides, corruption, tax evasion? is it the holiness of the person who shoots trick-and-treaters (hat tip to Corpodibacco)? or the one that has our civil servants arrange official meetings with terrorist organizations?

I'm getting pissed off. I'd better not give a fuck.