Going commercial today

When I was living in Finland I managed to get a DSL service without having any fixed phone line.

Fact is, in Finland a fixed phone will cost you more in flat subscription fees than your average mobile bill, which is why many people toss the thing down the wastedump and take good care of their Nokias (there's hardly another mobile phone brand in that country).

But today I will turn this post into an advertisement area.

Yessir, mac is going commercial, and quite cheap. Give me a couple of beers (possibly from some really talented beermakers such as Menabrea or Peroni and not the Carlsberg/Heineken/Warsteiner crap) and I'll be your friend for the rest of life. Now here's the story.

When I moved to Rome I wanted to get DSL as well and couldn't be bothered with fixed phone service either. Not that mobile calls are anywhere near as cheap here as in Finland (changing operator seems to do the trick though). But my company, you see, pays my personal calls as a part of their excuses for not giving me a higher salary, so the hell with a fixed phone line. Besides, you cannot switch off a fixed phone, it bears a bulky annoying presence in a shelf that could otherwise be occupied by nicer stuff such as wine bottles and condom boxes, and I hate the fact that someone might be calling my home and not me.

So I wanted DSL, as I said. When I was in the process of getting a connection I learned about a new service offering policy. I would call it useless service at rip-off prices without attention to customer needs.

Here is how to implement it:

- bribe politicians so that you keep control of the last mile and the law that is supposed to liberalize it never actually takes off;

- oblige whoever wants to open a DSL connection to open a fixed phone line;

- charge 100 euros for activation (what the fuck?!? the phone line was already there since the previous tenant had it until a couple of months before I requested it! what am I paying with those 100 euros?);

- charge 35 to 50 euros every two months as a basic subscription fee;

- unilaterally include several useless services in the subscription, and charge of them, without actually asking the customers whether they actually want them;

- make it so hard to get rid of those services that people prefer paying for them rather than having to send twenty-five faxes to twenty-five different numbers;

- grossly understaff your customer care and be careful to hire only spasticated morons who cannot recognize the difference between a telephone pole and a beautiful Italian lady.

So I have ended up paying 210 euros a year (310 euros the first year) for a service I don't use just because I want DSL. Of course, it took them only 93 days to actually come and install it, so they really compensate for their ugly bundling with efficient customer care. Ah, and the activation of a phone line was mandatory before you could even ask for an ADSL line, so I paid 93 days of totally unused phone service.

You're a smart reader, so you're probably interested in this business. It's profitable, allows you to achieve 0% customer decrease and you can organize top-management meetings in Valencia watching the America's Cup regatta rehearsals from a luxury yacht while entertaining your corporate customers at the expense of the families who need to have internet. Meanwhile, we're lagging behind all other European nations in numbers of internet connections per person.

So you may want more info on how to start a business like this. Naive request, but I'll reply: just check the Telecom Italia web site.

Sorry I spoke clearly for once!

I was actually quite surprised, and in the positive way, when mr. Prodi, the candidate of the centre-left to the PM post in next spring's elections, spoke out on gay marriage and cohabitation. You can read a good summary of what he said here.

Now isn't that beautiful? he's a Catholic, but still says that there should be equal rights for those who make decisions that contrast with the Vatican's octuagenary policymakers' dictates. The statement was particularly juicy since it is also in sharp contrast with the enormous heap of useless crap that Prodi's gang has vomited on us during the last four years.

Being opposition to Mr. Berlusconi can't be that hard, one would think. Just read the papers, shoot and counterpropose something that actually makes some kind of sense. But the bunch of populist arms (surely stolen from agricultural tasks) that forms the leftwing coalition (?) has managed to fuck up even that trivial task, hiding answers to our questions behind multi-coloured peace flags. I can't even start thinking what they would do with real government issues.

So mr. Prodi's speech was a welcome breath of fresh air. Except it lasted for a weekend only. The uproar of the white togas from the Vatican raised the moods of all people from right to left. What the fuck? giving ordinary rights (such as that to unite themselves into marriage) to people that choose to live their way without any stupid and anticonstitutional law forcing them to live almost like drug traffickers or wannabe terrorists? isn't that a serious thing we should all fight against? Fuck all the other problems of Italy, this isn't going to become a law.

And there he goes back! today he releases a statement that has had me look for a needle to sew my testicles back, more or less saying: "I was misunderstood, I do not support gay marriage but believe in justice for all".

Bad show, mr. Prodi. You should have also apologized for your misbehaviour. Next time try something in the line of "Sorry I spoke clearly for once".

Volleyball(s)

Yesterday I was in the company of around 14500 other people filling the excellent Palalottomatica arena in Rome watching the Italian team play Russia in the final of the European Volley Championship, which was wonderfully organized by the cities of Rome and Belgrade (kudos to them).

The final went more or less this way: the first set was exciting and well balanced and Italy won 25-22. At the beginning of the second set Russia started playing it the physical way, and since their shortest man could take our libero for a walk on leash it was easy for them to downplay us by 10 points. Same story in the third set, with Russia winning a desolating 25-14. At that point they were only missing a set and I was starting to have a deja-vu since the other match we played with them only 4 days ago ended 3-1 with us winning the first set and then loosing three straight.

After all, this is what we've got used to by following sports like football, where the average Italian match in the last 22 years has resembled more the Berlin love parade than a sports event.

But I forgot that we're talking about volleyball, a game that is usually played by people with balls. It's hard to describe the feeling of seeing your national team outplay so overwhelmingly the much more physical Russians. The final tiebreak that we forced them to after an imperious third set was so one-sided that it felt like a rehearsal with a junior team.

The Italian coach Montali, when asked what the reason for their success had been, explained it with three words: "work, work, work". May that be an example for all Italians.

Foreign architects invading Italy - perhaps

Ah, this is really one of my favourites.

I feel good when I read this stuff, since the media every now and then wakes up and realises our country is going to the bog. There's uproar for about 2 months, then everyone forgets the issue in the name of other much more compelling stuff, such as whether a party named UDC is going to run together with mr. Berlusconi's Forza Italia in the next elections or not. I'm not talking bullshit, unfortunately.

Back to the initial issue, it's damn serious in itself: Italian architects claim foreign designs are invading Italy.

Now you may be tempted to feel bad about this. Think about it: we taught the world how to build sports arenas, villas, sewage systems, aqueducts, churches, temples, cities and you name it, and now we're succumbing to foreigners. We built the first artificial canal when the Germans didn't even know how to eat with one hand instead of two, and we invented the concept of water distribution when the English were still wondering how to get to the other side of the Thames and now we're losing ground to Iraqis and Japanese.

So it may sound serious that foreign architects are now building in Italy. But stop for a moment and think. Renzo Piano's work is acclaimed worldwide, and it was him they chose for the rebuilding of Berlin's Potsdamer Platz (the Sony Center is absolutely stunning - go there if you haven't seen it!). When the Chinese want to add a new residential area in Shanghai (called Pujan) they ring Vittorio Gregotti's bell. And many times have the Belgians commissioned work from Ettore Sottsass.

So what's the big deal about? we're still exporting architecture and creativity! Who cares if we don't get work in Italy! This is the nice part of globalization, why complain about it? tired of travelling perhaps? In fact, this smells suspiciously of a protectionism request, and these times it's not fashionable. Is there a reason why red tape and delays for Italian commissions should not affect foreign firms as well? ok, for sure having your company registered in Italy does mean a lot of unnecessary bureaucratic achievements, but does this really justify appealing to the President?

Mr. Architects, we are proud of you. Don't spend your precious time moaning about this stuff. As Dante Benini rightly puts it, whoever presents the best work wins.

Expelling extremists?

Ah, now here's some good news: after years of lax tolerance we have finally started to kick extremists out. The last victim is the Imam of Turin, as you can read in this commentary.

Good job, he deserved to get the hell out of our country and go back to his yacht club in Morocco long time ago. Now a few questions arise, and I hope someone will answer.

First: why was he expelled now and not, say, three years ago when he evidently helped recruit and finance a terrorist attack in his own lovely country of Morocco (where he regularly goes sailing, but of whose people evidently he doesn't care)?

Second: will our border checks be so effective that he can't come back? I somehow doubt it, though I hope I'm wrong.

Third: how many such other Imams are there in Italy? and how many other people that are linked to terrorist activities around the world? and if there's many of them, why don't we charge with the crime of international terrorism, which is now (finally, insh'allah) recognised by our law? does sending them to their own countries where no-one checks on what they do and where they can find all the volunteers of the world for all sorts of Jihad-like activities actually help?

Fourth (unrelated): what the fuck is mr. Fazio waiting before he steps downa and relieves us of having to endure the sight of his face yet another day?

Muttawa's back!

Muttawa, one of the web's favourite blogs, is back and active (since over a month ago, actually, so it's not that big news, but come on, I don't check all sites every day).

Welcome back, Alhamedi - the web was missing you!

Katrina ten months ahead

Kudos to National Geographic, who forecast Katrina in an eerily accurate way on an article they published ten months ago!

Now, mr. Bush, wasn't it you who said that a disaster of such proportion could not be foreseen? Time to step down perhaps?

And since we're talking about this, time to step down for you, too, mr. Fazio! I have no idea how certain people can stand sitting in certain chairs after so many scandals. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, here is a good summary.

Terrorist attack in Italy?

It is now a known fact that the average terrorist is a total idiot, so it's worth having a laugh on their shoulders. In Italian only, sorry, and I'm too lazy to translate...


Perchè l'Italia è al sicuro........

Bin Laden ha dichiarato:"E' molto difficile fare un attentato in I talia". In realtà alcuni documenti del SISDE rivelati recentemente affermano che Bin Laden ci ha provato, tempo fa diede ordine di organizzare un aereo in Italia. Due terroristi, provenienti da un Paese del Medio Oriente, arrivarono a Napoli con la ferma determinazione di eseguire "il castigo di Allah per gli infedeli italiani". Ecco com'è andata.

Domenica ore 23:47
Arrivano all'aeroporto internazionale di Napoli, via aerea dalla Turchia: escono dall'aeroporto dopo otto ore perchè gli hanno perso le valigie. La società di gestione dell'aeroporto non si assume la responsabilità della perdita e un impiegato consiglia ai terroristi di provare a ripassare il giorno dopo: chissà, con un po' di fortuna... Prendono un taxi: il taxista(abusivo) li guarda dallo specchietto retrovisore e, vedendo che sono stranieri, li passeggia per tutta la città per un'ora e mezza. Dal momento che non proferiscono lamentela, neanche dopo che
il tassametro raggiunge i 200 euro, decide di fare il colpo gobbo: arrivato alla rotonda di Villaricca, si ferma e fa salire un complice. Dopo averli derubati e coperti di mazzate li abbandonano esanimi nel Rione 167.

Lunedì ore 04:30
Al risveglio, dopo la mazziata, ambedue i terroristi riescono a raggiungere un albergo sito in zona piazza Borsa. Decidono quindi di affittare un auto presso la Hertz di piazza Municipio. Quindi si avviano con direzione aeroporto, ma giusto prima di arrivare a piazza Mazzini, rimangono bloccati da una manifestazione di studenti, uniti alle tute bianche anti-global ed ai disoccupati napoletani, che non li fanno passare.

Lunedì ore 12:30
Arrivano finalmente in piazza Garibaldi decidono di cambiare dei soldi per muoversi più liberamente: i loro dollari vengono cambiati in biglietti da 100 euro falsi.

Lunedì ore 15:45
Arrivano all'aeroporto di Capodichino con la ferma intenzione di dirottare un aereo per farlo cadere sulle torri dell'Enel del centro direzionale. I piloti ALITALIA sono in sciopero perchè chiedono la quadruplicazione del salario e vogliono lavorare meno ore. Stessa cosa per i controllori di volo, che pretendono anche la pinza obliteratrice per tutti ("altrimenti che controllori saremmo?", hanno dichiarato). L'unico aereo disponibile che c'è in pista è uno della MARADONA AIR con destinazione
Alghero e ha 18 ore di ritardo... gli impiegati ed i passeggeri sono accampati nelle sale d'attesa... intonano canti popolari... gridano slogan contro il governo edi piloti! Arrivano i celerini... cominciano a dare manganellate a destra e a manca, contro tutti... si accaniscono in particolar modo sui due arabi.

Lunedì 19:05
Finalmente si calmano un poco gli animi. I due figli di Allah, coperti di sangue, si avvicinano al banco della MARADONA AIR per acquistare i biglietti per l'aereo con destinazione Sassari, dirottarlo e farlo schiantare contro le torri Enel. Il responsabile MARADONA AIR che gli vende dei biglietti, tace il fatto che il volo, in realtà, è già stato cancellato.

Lunedì 22:07
A questo punto, i terroristi discutono se continuare oppure no... non sanno più se distruggere Napoli è un atto terroristico o un'opera di carità.

Lunedì 23:30
Morti di fame, decidono di mangiare qualcosa al ristorante dell'aereoporto: ordinano panino con la frittata e impepata di cozze.

Martedì 04:35
In preda a una salmonellosi fulminante causata dalla frittata, finiscono all'ospedale San Gennaro, dopo aver aspettato tutta la notte nel corridoio del pronto soccorso. La cosa non sarebbe durata più di un paio di giorni, se non fosse subentrato un sospetto di colera dovuto alle cozze.

Domenica 17:20
Dopo dodici giorni escono dall'ospedale e si trovano nelle vicinanze dello stadio San Paolo. Il Napoli ha perso in casa con il neopromosso Palermo per 3-0, con due rigori assegnati alla squadra siciliana dall'arbitro Concettino Riina da Corleone. Una banda di ultrà della "MASSERIA CARDONE", vedendo i due scuri di carnagione, li scambiano per tifosi del Palermo e gli rifilano un'altra caterva di legnate. Per di più il capo degli ultrà, un tale detto "Peppo o Ricchione", abusa sessualmente di
loro.

Domenica 19:45
Finalmente gli ultrà se ne vanno. I due terroristi decidono di ubriacarsi per la prima volta nella loro vita (anche se è peccato!). In una bettola della zona portuale gli rifilano del vino adulterato con metanolo e i due rientrano al San Gennaro per l'intossicazione. Gli viene anche riscontrata la sieropositività all'HIV (Peppo non perdona).

Martedì 23:42
I due terroristi fuggono dall'Italia in zattera con direzione Libia, semiorbi per il metanolo ingerito e con una dozzina di infezioni a causa del virus HIV. Giurano ad Allah che non tenteranno mai più nulla contro il nostro amato Paese.

Sorry, dear tourists, Italy is dirty

It took the new president of Calabria, the tip of the toe of Italy's boot, to finally take the courage to admit that Italy is dirty from bottom to top.

Chapeau to Mr. Loiero for having the balls to say this. It's not easy, particularly for him, since his region takes a large part of its sustaining from tourists spending their hols in its fabulous coastline.

If you have travelled anywhere south of (or in) Rome, you'll have noticed it yourself: Italy's tolerably clean at the best, and filthy at the worst.

Now let's get back to the basics: why is it so? answer: because we dirty our own country. Just look at the side of the street in the average crossing in Rome. It's a festival of plastic bottles, paper tissues, newspapers, glass, corks, cigarette packets and so on. Now just climb into any car in Italy: it will be perfectly clean, almost aseptic.

My friends always complain about my car being so dirty inside. I admit I'm a desperate case, since I wash it about 3 times a year (particularly, when rats walk away in disgust). But the truth is: I never ever throw even a chewing-gum from the window. When I smoked (Yes, sir! I just stopped and feel excellent!) I hesitated to throw ashes from the window.

So what do you make of it? clear: people would rather keep the street dirty and the car clean. As Tim Parks rightly wrote over 15 years ago, this is quintessential Italy: ceremony within, anarchy without.

No complaints then if tourists go to Spain and Turkey instead. We can cry about economic recession, but they will keep on leaving. Or shall we start keeping our country a bit cleaner, if not for the tourists at least for ourselves?